Heroes

[Notes and Disclaimers]

Rain pelted the side of the transport, engulfing the people inside with its muted roar. It seemed to come in waves, peak after peak in time with the beating of Cloud's heart; he could feel it pounding in his chest, just above the turmoil of his stomach. Why had he agreed to come on this trip? ...never mind; the answer was sitting just a few feet away, separated from him by only the bed of the truck and the SOLDIER who was doing squats between them, nimbly keeping his balance on the rough roads.

Cloud leaned his head back on the support, closing his eyes behind the mask of his uniform. He'd come into Shinra too late to be a war hero like him, but he'd thought he could at least make it into SOLDIER... How was he to know he'd fail? To be little more than a grunt, albeit a well-trained grunt, was a disappointment. No, 'disappointment' wasn't right... It was a disgrace. All of his proud words to Tifa before he'd left, all of his boasting was going to explode in his face when they discovered that he was an interchangeable gear in the great machine that was Shinra. Distantly, he was thankful that the Shinra uniform hid his face; he wouldn't have to face everyone... Tifa...

He clutched his stomach and released an unconscious sound of complaint as the truck lurched to a halt, only belatedly hearing the driver's warning of the attack. Attack? Here? Before his thoughts had finished their slow grind, Sephiroth and the SOLDIER - Zacks - were already out of the truck and facing down the obstacle. Gingerly, feeling his stomach roiling rebelliously, Cloud hauled himself up to peer out the window at the battle taking place so very close by.

Sephiroth was a god in battle - there was no other way to put it. With his long hair whipping around him in the storm winds and his Masamune held at the ready, any opponent with the common sense given to an earthworm should have fled. Death was in his Mako eyes for anyone who stood their ground long enough to see into them, and before Cloud's stomach had even finished its complaining, the battle was over, the dragon's heart-blood painting the ground. Through his mask, Cloud watched as Sephiroth swung back into the truck and reclaimed his spot, settling into it with the easy familiarity that belied the dangerous circumstances they had just faced. A pang of lit into his chest, tightening painfully around it, and he lowered his head and feigned sleep, hoping none would think to question it.

"How does it feel?"

Cloud looked up in surprise as Sephiroth's voice reached him, rife with humor and the faintest tinges of bitterness. Shrugging helplessly in confusion, he stared into the intense aqua of his idol's eyes, as though hoping to draw the answers from within them.

"It's your first time back to your hometown in a long time, right?" Sephiroth's eyes shone, mouth quirked in the barest shadings of a grin. "So how does it feel?" He turned to look at the town, at its cobbled streets and picturesque buildings, as a whimsical breeze lifted the hair from around his face. "I wouldn't know because I don't have a hometown..."

Cloud blinked at the offhand admission, then narrowed his eyes as he digested the new information. "Ummm... how 'bout your parents?"

Sephiroth's eyes pierced Cloud's mask effortlessly; he could feel them boring into his as though to pluck out his thoughts and spread them between them for study. "My mother is Jenova," Sephiroth said suddenly, breaking the intensity in the air. "She died right after she gave birth to me. My father..." He laughed just as suddenly, tossing his head back in merriment, sending his hair tumbling haphazardly down his back in a silver fall. "What does it matter...? All right, let's go."

If Cloud had expected more, he was disappointed; as he passed Sephiroth to enter his hometown, he heard only a murmured 'The Mako smell is pretty bad here.' and no more. What had he expected? He silently berated himself; Sephiroth was here to investigate the Mako reactor and the monsters it created, he wasn't here to fuel a 16-year-old failure's fantasies. He loitered at the entrance to the town as the others passed him, ignoring Zacks's friendly clasp at his shoulder. He couldn't go in. There was no way he could face everyone as a failure, they couldn't expect him to. Why had he volunteered for this mission? Hero worship? Hunger for the lesser glory that even Shinra soldiers might obtain? Or was he finally ready to admit to himself that what he hungered for was Sephiroth's presence?

Clenching his eyes shut, he rested a hand against his face plate and summoned his courage. Straightening his shoulders, he marched into the town - not as the conquering hero that he had once dreamed of becoming, but rather as a prisoner of war, answering his master's pull at the chains.

By the time Cloud made his way to the inn, Sephiroth had disappeared inside and Zacks had moved on to explore the quaint surroundings. Cloud glanced at his fellow soldier, the first of the three who had gotten the watch, and sighed to himself; yet another disappointment for those who depended on him, that he wasn't there to take the first watch himself. Despondently, he found a quiet corner of the square and lay on his back, studying the shift of the clouds overhead.

The sun was just beginning to set when he arose and made his way to the inn. He was following the innkeepers directions up the stairs, intent on some form of rest, when his eyes caught on Sephiroth standing before the second-floor window, washed with a rosy glow. Without thinking, he changed his step to approach the SOLDIER, the words already on his tongue before he recognized them. "What are you looking at?"

"...this scenery..." Sephiroth's voice was filled with a quiet awe that almost managed to mask the woebegone sound of a small, lost child. "I feel like I know this place." He rested his fingers against the thick glass, leaning forward as though to see more as his hair fell around him in a concealing sweep.

Cloud nearly sucked in his breath at the sight of him; the dying sunlight highlighted Sephiroth's perfect face and caught in his eyes, lending them an almost unearthly glow. Only through a severe exercising of will-power did Cloud manage to avoid pushing Sephiroth's hair back and embracing that tall body. He wondered how it would feel against his own, skin to skin, hot and moving and-

Footsteps on the stairs broke Clouds reverie, drawing him away from Sephiroth with a blush that he was grateful no one else could see. Turning, he caught sight of the other soldier and hurried over to him, desperate for a distraction. The news, however, was not what he had wanted to hear.

"We're one bed short."

Cloud gulped, certain that his blush was outshining the sun by now. He nodded his comprehension and left the room again, approaching Sephiroth's black-clad back.

"...We have an early start tomorrow. You should get some sleep soon."

Cloud startled, not having realized that Sephiroth had known he was behind him. He glanced up curiously, only to catch sight of Sephiroth's ruefully amused gaze in the window before them as it cast a faint reflection in the dying light. "It's still early," he found himself saying, daring those eyes to contradict him.

Instead, a rich laugh washed over his ears as Sephiroth turned to look at him, resting a hand on his uniformed shoulder. "...I'm not going to wake you up tomorrow."

Cloud's gaze moved over Sephiroth's amused face, drinking in the details. The sunlight was rapidly fading from his skin, but even as it lost the natural glow, the lamplight caressed it. Cloud wished he could do the same, that he could reach up and stroke that soft cheek, those firm lips, that strong throat. A rush of warmth overtook him as his thoughts took an intimate turn; years of living with the soldiers had taught him that one should look where one could for companionship, and... who was to say he would be alive tomorrow to regret this? Somewhere, deep within him, he knew that tomorrow would bring changes that he would never recover from, if he would even survive them.

His determination firming, Cloud reached up to remove his helmet and faceplate, letting them fall carelessly to the floor. His own eyes searched Sephiroth's, hunting for any sign of encouragement as he raised one gloved hand to the cheek that the lamplight poured itself over. "Then maybe I should stay up all night." Sephiroth's skin stood out in relief against the dark of his gloves as his fingers moved slowly over the curve of his cheek. "We're a bed short."

Sephiroth's eyes had widened slightly at the touch of Cloud's fingers. Now, they narrowed with comprehension. "Don't," he said shortly, moving away from Cloud's seeking hand.

Cloud blinked in surprise at Sephiroth's sudden coldness, a seed of inexplicable panic planting itself in his chest. "Why not?" he found himself asking as he extended his hand again, only to have his wrist caught in a painful grip.

"Don't," Sephiroth repeated, ignoring Cloud's wince as delicate bones were ground together within Sephiroth's tightening grasp. "I am not a trophy - or some kind of pet." A soft whimper escaped the blonde and Sephiroth released him abruptly, as though he'd been touching something foul. "You forget yourself."

Cloud cradled his abused wrist against his chest, blinking away the tears of pain that stung his eyes. "I..." He swallowed, fighting the sudden irrational urge to sob. "I... excuse me!" Hastily, he bent to retrieve his helmet, then turned and fled, shielding his face as he stumbled down the stairs.

Behind him, Sephiroth's gaze burned into the air he had occupied before turning once again to the mansion and the mountain that loomed behind it.

Morning had come surprisingly quickly, given that Cloud hadn't slept a wink. He'd ended up bunking on the floor and had spent most of the night watching the moonlight cross the boards, listening to the night-sounds of his companions. Zacks breathed with the lightest of snores while his fellow soldier, just in after having exchanged watch, tossed and turned, rustling the sheets enough to wake the dead.

From Sephiroth's bed, though, there had come nothing. He'd lain perfectly still in the moonlight, only the regular rise and fall of his chest evidencing that he was flesh rather than marble. His hands had been folded across his bare chest, his hair a sunburst around his head, his face peaceful in slumber. More than anything, Cloud had wished he were sleeping against him, but that was doomed to remain in the realms of fantasy.

What had he done? What had he been thinking to practically proposition Sephiroth? The man had every right to be disgusted by his actions, a failure like him had no right...

Standing at attention now at the path to the reactor, Cloud was vaguely perturbed to find that, beneath his mask, his eyes were burning with unshed tears. Hastily, he blinked them away as Zacks jogged up, hailing Sephiroth familiarly.

Glancing at the purple-clad man, Sephiroth raised his voice for the benefit of the few gathered townspeople. "Once the guide gets here, we're heading out."

"Listen to me, Sephiroth. In case something happens..."

The startling aqua of Sephiroth's eyes silenced the man. "...Trust me."

Cloud squinted at the man through mask and moisture, trying to place him in his memory. His quandary was solved abruptly as their erstwhile guide arrived.

"I'll be all right, Dad! I have two men from SOLDIER with me."

The roaring in Cloud's ears drowned out the sound of her voice as she introduced herself to Sephiroth. Tifa. Somehow it seemed to fit that she be their guide, although Fate seemed to be running out of bitter ironies to throw at him. He was dismayed to find tears pricking at his eyes again, only more so when he found Sephiroth's eyes on him as he responded to the conversation that Cloud had been ignoring.

"Then there's no problem, if you protect her." He paused, then flicked his eyes from Cloud and started down the path. "...Let's go."

"Ummm... Mr. Sephiroth! Please let me take one picture for a memento!" Hopefully, the lurking photographer turned to Tifa, pleading, "Tifa, can you ask him for me too......?"

Sephiroth glanced at the others, a brief, unfathomable look. Behind him, Zacks shrugged and posed in front of the mansion, joined by Tifa. After a long moment, Sephiroth joined them as well, completing the momentous trio. With an eager cry of "Cheeeese!" the photographer snapped the picture, nearly dancing with excitement.

"Great, thank you!" Clutching his camera as though it were a precious relic, the photographer approached them, all but prostrating himself in gratitude. "I'll give each of you a copy once I get it developed!"

As they turned to leave, Cloud found himself wondering to what lengths he would have to go to acquire one for himself. Making a mental note to contact the photographer upon their return, Cloud hurried to follow Sephiroth's impatient strides.

"It gets harder from here!" Tifa called. "Follow me!"

Cloud couldn't help the soft sigh at her words; the path was no easier now than it had been when he was a child and it had nearly killed them both. Behind him, he could hear his partner's nervous mutterings as they followed Tifa onto the bridge that would lead them to the summit, and he paused to let the worried man catch up, only to hear a sudden, sickening snap.

"Uhh, the bridge!"

Tifa's cry filling his ears, Cloud found himself abruptly weightless as the bridge gave way beneath them. Above him, he could see Sephiroth making a desperate grab for Tifa and Zacks only to plummet himself as the last rope snapped. Tifa's scream joined his partner's as they fell into nothingness, and the last thought that Cloud had before blacking out was that maybe even Sephiroth wasn't infallible after all.

Cloud determined that he was alive by the fact that the Shinra marching band seemed to have taken up residence within his skull. Pressing a hand to his temple to keep his brains from pounding out through it, he sat up gingerly and took stock of himself. Although everything hurt, it all still worked; he'd ripped his uniform and his helmet had come to rest some twenty feet away, but he was capable of going on. Carefully, he levered himself to his feet and glanced around, but the rocky terrain gave no clues as to the location of the others.

Was he the only one who'd survived?

No, that wasn't possible. If he could survive, the two members of SOLDIER definitely would have, and they'd have found some way to save Tifa. They'd probably already gone on ahead; they wouldn't have wanted to waste time looking for someone like him. He just wasn't worth it.

His knees quivered and he sat down hard as a wave of vertigo swept over him. Groaning again, he clutched his aching head in misery, and so did not see the black-clad figure's approach until it was halted before him. Squinting against the light, he looked up, only to be convinced that he was hallucinating. "Se... Sephiroth?"

Sephiroth shook his head with a sigh, extending a hand to Cloud to aid in rising. The blonde looked at him for a long moment in disbelief before accepting, only to stumble into Sephiroth as the pull upright brought on another wave of vertigo. For a short eternity, his mind blanked again, and when he returned to himself, he realized to his chagrin that only his hands fisted in Sephiroth's coat were keeping him off the ground. Mortified, he moved hastily to extricate himself and stared down at his gloves.

"Zacks and Tifa are just up the path. Let's go."

Cloud blinked, even as he reached out automatically to accept the helmet that Sephiroth extended to him. "What about...?" The brief shake of Sephiroth's head was answer enough, and Cloud blinked, staring down at his hands again. "Oh. Should we...?"

"We don't have time." Sephiroth distractedly brushed some grit from his sleeve, then glanced at Cloud without lifting his chin, his eyes gleaming through the silver of his lashes. "Can you go on?"

"I... I think so." He couldn't help but wonder if Sephiroth would be as casual if it had been Cloud who had been smashed against the rocks. Would he have been glad to be rid of him? The thought made his head throb again and, as he fingered the helmet Sephiroth had returned to him, he realized that he could not leave things as they were. Shyly, he raised his eyes to glance at Sephiroth through the fringe of his lashes. "About last night..."

As though a switch had been flipped, Sephiroth's expression shuttered. "There is nothing to discuss."

"No!" Cloud flushed with the vehemence of his denial, but hurried on despite the storm clouds gathering in Sephiroth's face. "I... respect you, and I admire you. I realize that I'm nobody to you, but I still... I still wish that I could be your friend. I... I'll understand if you say no..." Cloud's voice trailed into nothingness and he felt his eyes burning again with unshed tears, but he stubbornly kept his chin aloft, meeting Sephiroth's gaze squarely.

Seconds ticked by and Sephiroth only stared at him, Mako eyes shadowed and unfathomable. The urge to fidget strengthened and Cloud found himself clenching and unclenching one of his hands with the effort of not looking away. There was more at stake here than some silly crush, Cloud realized; the very core of his being, his moral fiber was being put to the test. Through slightly-parted lips, he inhaled deeply and squared his shoulders, preparing himself for the final verdict.

To his surprise, Sephiroth was the first to move; the silver-haired man closed the distance between them and Cloud found himself looking up to continue meeting his gaze as Sephiroth lifted a hand and lay his fingers lightly along Cloud's cheek. Before his initial startlement had passed, Sephiroth's lips were on his, lightly caressing the sensitive skin, and Cloud had forgotten how to breathe.

Sephiroth. Kissing. Him.

A confused moan escaped the blonde and he found himself parting his lips more, praying desperately that it wouldn't end. His prayers were answered as Sephiroth's tongue swept between his lips, and it was all Cloud could do to remain upright. The passage of time ceased for him and the moment stretched into an eternity until Sephiroth's lips left his, and he found himself with his fingers once again tangled in Sephiroth's coat in a vain attempt to keep his feet. He blinked once, then again as his tongue wet his sensitized lips and his mind struggled to reorganize itself. Strangely enough, most of his aches had been forgotten, and those few lingering melted away as Sephiroth's expression softened, not quite a smile but somehow as warm.

"Let's go," Sephiroth said again, and Cloud nodded, pulling his helmet over his head as he followed Sephiroth up the path. He was ready to face them now. All of them. Cloud Strife had finally returned to Nibelheim.

The mission had been an unmitigated disaster. While Cloud had been left outside to watch over Tifa, Sephiroth and Zacks had disappeared into the reactor. Left with a sullen Tifa and the memory of that brief kiss, the time had dragged by for Cloud until each minute seemed an hour, each hour a day. They had remained inside an inordinate amount of time; dusk had been falling by the time they'd emerged, shaken and silent.

Neither SOLDIER had spoken during the return trek, and upon their return to Nibelheim, Sephiroth had sequestered himself in the inn. Full of nervous energy, Cloud had taken the watch over from the soldier who had stayed behind and, after some time, Zacks had joined him. As the hours passed, the dark-haired SOLDIER had gradually revealed what had gone on within the reactor.

Cloud had run the gamut of emotions, shock and intrigue, disgust and sympathy. His heart had bled as Zacks had told him of Sephiroth's panic at the thought of his possible creation, and only the memory of Sephiroth's stony expression had kept him from rushing to him.

Days had passed in much the same manner. Sephiroth had stood at the window, staring at the silhouette of Mt. Nibel against the sky and never speaking. The others had left him his peace, disturbing him only to bring trays at mealtimes, then leaving him again to his musings. They had reached an uneasy status quo.

And then Sephiroth had disappeared.

They spent the better part of a day searching for him. With the aid of the locals, eager to repay them for clearing out the monsters, they had searched the surrounding countryside without turning up so much as a single silver hair.

In the end, it was Cloud who found him - Cloud who'd grown up in Nibelheim, surrounded by the rumors of the Shinra mansion. While Zacks began to organize a party to search the reactor, Cloud ventured into the derelict building and, swallowing old superstitions, began his own search. Sneezing as his explorations stirred decades-old dust, Cloud gradually worked his way to the second floor and found himself staring at a wall of stones that seemed rather out of place.

Somehow, it wasn't a surprised when, upon his approach, the wall slid open to reveal a decrepit staircase spiraling down into darkness. Cloud descended, his footfalls seeming overly loud on the old wood, and crept down the hallway at the bottom, his gaze fixed on the sliver of light in the distance. Pushing open the door that blocked its glow, Cloud stepped into the revealed room and abruptly froze.

Books. Everywhere. The walls were lined with overflowing bookcases, while more books were piled on the floor and every other flat surface. In the middle of it all, Sephiroth paced, reading aloud from the book in his hands.

"...an organism that was apparently dead, was found in a 2000 year old geological stratum. Professor Gast named that organism, Jenova... X year, X month, X day. Jenova confirmed to be an ancient... X year, X month, X day. Jenova Project approved. The use of Mako Reactor 1 approved for use..."

Sephiroth trailed off, staring down at the book in his hands in silence. Slowly, as though in a dream, he turned and made his way deeper into the library, only to pause in the hallway and lower his book as he raised his eyes toward the heavens.

"My mother's name is Jenova... Jenova Project... Is this just a coincidence?" He bent his head again, his silver hair falling to conceal his face, and had Cloud not followed him, the blonde would never have heard the next soft words. "Professor Gast... Why didn't you tell me anything? ...Why did you die?"

Something twisted painfully in Cloud's chest and he stepped forward, wishing for nothing more than to be the one to take away the aching loneliness he heard in Sephiroth's voice. He stopped, though, when Sephiroth spoke again without looking up.

"Let me be alone."

What could he do? Cloud left him.

- tsuzuku -

Notes and Disclaimers

Final Fantasy VII is © Square Co., Ltd.

Heroes traces the game, often pulling dialogue directly from it. It's my own spin on Cloud's relationship with Sephiroth, and how the shy, quiet boy from Nibelheim became the cocky, cold ex-SOLDIER. I tend to see Cloud as extremely immature and needy, which seems to differ quite a bit from the popular perception of him, but, well, to each their own, mm? This is massively unfinished at the moment, as my scripts of the game are incomplete.